The Gift Certificate

In Episode 3, Larry gives his friends, Ted and Mary, the gift of a $300 gift certificate to Matteo's Restaurant. Ted and Mary are so thankful for the gift and tell Larry it's such a generous gesture. Later in the episode, Larry decides to take his date, Mary Jane Porter, to Matteo's. While on the date he sees that Ted and Mary are there for dinner as well but he also sees that they have taken another couple, Jeff and Susie, there with them. Larry can't help but confront Ted and Mary on their actions. He is extremely offended that they would take another couple out to dinner on his gift. That if anything, if Ted and Mary were to invite anyone, it should have been him.

While Ted and Mary are given this generous gift, it is up to them to decide how they plan on using it. There isn't a precursor as to how they should spend it, and there aren't any written rules of gift certificate etiquette. Though it is understandable from where Larry is coming from.

In the grand scheme of things, Larry gave this gift to Ted and Mary, for Ted and Mary to enjoy. Yet, another couple is reaping the benefits as well. Is that really fair? If that's the case, than Larry should have given half of the gift certificate to Jeff and Susie because technically that's how the gift certificate is being broken down anyway. Both couples are now eating a free meal on Larry's dollar. When really, this was a gift that was only supposed to be enjoyed by one couple.

On the other hand, in Larry's eyes, he thinks that he should have been invited to the dinner instead. But wouldn't that be an awkward situation as well? It would have been the same as if Ted and Mary gave part of the gift back to him. Larry would have been reaping the benefits of the gift he gave, making the gesture seem almost selfish.

Maybe Larry shouldn't have given such a generous gift that way it could have only been used on the people he intended it to be.

Either way, though, a gift is a gift, once it is out of your hands it is up to the receiver how they decide to use it...even if that means that your gift was basically given to twice as many people as you had intended.

Paying the tab

In Episode 5, Larry asks Rosie O'Donnell to lunch. Once the bill comes, Rosie reaches for the check in efforts to pay for the bill. Larry gets angry at this claiming that because he asked Rosie out to lunch, he is the one who is responsible to pay. Rosie counters this argument and says that because she touched the tab and picked it up first, it is now fair game for her to pay the bill. While the two of them are wresting over the check, Larry says, in between grunts, "This is my pleasure."

But is it really a pleasure now? Going out to lunch, or any meal for that matter, is supposed to be something we do to enjoy ourselves, to enjoy the company of those who are joining us. But this enjoyment turns sour all too often when the bill comes. Why is it even deemed ONE person's obligation to front the whole bill anyway? Why couldn't Rosie and Larry just split it, if it was that big of a deal?

I can't count how many times this has happened in my own family. We go out to dinner with another family, one of my mothers brothers or sisters and their spouse and children, we have a wonderful meal together...and then the bill comes. Hands are reached for wallets before the bill even hits the table and once it does there is nothing but pushing and shoving between who can pick it up first. It has gotten to the point, now, that someone will fake a bathroom break just to give their credit card to the waiter before anyone else can.

And for what? Rarely, in my own personal situations, has it been that someone was trying to prove something or trying to show off their ability to pick up the tab. It has been more of a grateful gesture, as if you're showing your appreciation of their company by picking up the tab.

In the long run, it just leads to people getting frustrated and heated. Sometimes, even resentful. In Larry and Rosie's case, the dispute carried over and created a hostile environment the next time they saw each other. A dispute, that technically, is purely based upon who had a more enjoyable time at dinner. So enjoyable that there was no better way to end the meal with an argument that may leave you not talking to the other person for some time to come.

Unlike Rosie and Larry, in my family, this dispute never lasted longer than the walk to the car from the restaurant. We'd discuss how good of a time we had and how we should do it again soon. And secretly I always wondered who would grab that bill first.

"Just get a box cutter"

Episode 2 starts with Larry opening a gift he received. The gift, a GPS system, was packaged in a vacuum sealed plastic package.

It was the plastic that is absolutely impossible to get into. The kind that you find yourself, as Larry did, stabbing at it with a knife. You try to open it from every angle, but it there is just no prevail. Even scissors, the one tool made to cut through materials, is 9 out of 10 times an unsuccessful approach.

So what's the point? Why even give someone a gift or purchase something that you can't even open?

Ellen DeGeneres even speaks of this in her stand up comedy segment. Being that scissors are often packaged in this kind of packaging, she poses the question of, what if this is the first time you've ever bought scissors?

Like Larry, you can attempt gripping it at every angle, stabbing it with a knife. Even at that, when you finally do get it open to tiniest bit, you believe that you have the man power to pull apart the rest of the packaging with your bare hands. Which, of course, only leads to the infamous plastic cut. People claim the paper cut is "the worst thing ever." Clearly these people have never had to open these packages.

So you sit there and you put the package to the side, maybe save it for later, another day even. For the stress over opening the package is unbearable.

Later in the episode, Larry gets advice from friends who tell him to just buy an exacto knife to open the package.

Isn't it ridiculous though? How many of these packages have we had to open throughout our lifetime? Tons. Even the ink cartridges for the printers we use are packaged like this. And why? There's no other packaging we can place them in? A cardboard box wouldn't be sufficient? Yet the most delicate items, eggs for example, are packaged in the most simple of materials, the easiest to rip, tear and open.

Yet we'll sit there for hours try to pry the life out of this plastic packaging so we can retrieve the scissors that are placed inside, thinking that maybe we'll be able to use those scissors to open the next plastic package we receive. But deep down we know, even the scissors won't be strong enough to cut through.

The Kitchen Etiquette

Curb Your Enthusiasm is back for its 7th season on HBO. While other shows mostly die down by their 5th season, if not by their 4th, Curb is back and better than ever.

Larry David, the main character and writer of the show, has continued to create hysterical plots within everyday moral dillemas that usually go unnoticed by society.

In the first episode of the season, Larry is standing in the kitchen with his girlfriend's doctor. His girlfriend, a woman he took in after Hurricane Katrina, is the first woman he's had a relationship with after separating from his wife, Cheryl. The relationship isn't at all serious and Larry discusses with his friend, Jeff, that he plans on breaking up with her before her test results (for cancer) come back.

While talking with the doctor in his kitchen, the doctor makes himself at home and goes into Larry's fridge and cracks open a can lemonade. Larry is baffled by this and poses the issue of whether or not it'd appropriate behavior. He calls the doctor out on his actions and claims that it's rude and out of place.

And isn't it? How many times have you sat in your own kitchen or household and watched a guest open up your refrigerator, rifle through your pantry, help themselves to the baked goods on the counter that you were saving for yourself? All too often.

And have you ever said anything? Probably not. Why? Because it's rude? Out of line? When really, it's the person helping themselves to your produce that's rude. But we don't speak up, we let them take advantage of us. Though, secretly, in our own minds we start to get pissed off, we resent them. Cause, after all, who are they to be so nosey, so inconsiderate. They're our GUESTS for Christ's sake.

As a host, we are taught to be accommodating. A good host is one who makes their guests feel comfortable and at home. True, but its still OUR home. If you're hungry or thirsty...ask. More often than not I'd give you anything you'd ask for. But the minute you start to help yourself, I'm going to judge you and I'm going to resent your character. I'm going to assume you don't have any manners what so ever and you were raised by unqualified parents in an unkept home. Bottom line, I'm pretty much going to want to get you the hell out of my house as quick as possible, and I'm give you one word answers until you do so. And the next time we're out, I'm probably not going to suggest that we go back to my house because you have forever engrained the type of person you are.

You're the food rummager, the taker, the user. You're selfish and lack social graces and etiquette.

I keep all of these hateful thoughts stored away in my mind as you stand in front of my pantry chewing on MY cookies peering at what else there is to eat...and I'll remain silent and not say a word to you. And not because I'd feel rude or out of line for doing so.

But because I'd crack open your lemonade faster than you opened my fridge.